Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
