Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
