she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
