i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
