just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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