can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
