In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
