oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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