Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
