Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
