I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
