man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
