you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
