I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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