I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize