are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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