The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
