Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
