Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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