I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
