Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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