marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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