So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
