What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
