P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
