Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I puked a lego.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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