I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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