Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
