Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
