I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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