I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
