Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
