I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
