I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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