3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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