you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
