On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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