Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
