I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
