please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
