and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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