you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
