My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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