I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
