it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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