I wish they made helmets for livers.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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