that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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