So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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