Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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