ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
