Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
