You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
