nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
