i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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