Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
