so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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