I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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