Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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