12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
