Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
