I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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