I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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