You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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