She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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