she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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