He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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