why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
