How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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