I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
