My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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